Today we’d like to introduce you to Nicholas Tanek.
Hi Nicholas, so excited to have you with us today. What can you tell us about your story?
I grew up in New Jersey as a punk rock skater kid in the late ’80s and early ’90s. I was the awkward, weird-music-obsessed outsider who fell hard for the wrong crowds and the right kind of chaos. That led me straight into the wild NYC rave scene, where I dove headfirst into drugs, parties, and a lot of self-destructive behavior. Addiction took its toll for years.Eventually I got my life together when I reconnected with Lynn, the love of my life from my teenage years. We had this intense, beautiful, very kinky relationship that helped pull me out of the darkness. But she passed away at 37, and that loss shattered me.Instead of letting grief destroy me, I chose to create. I wrote The Coolest Way to Kill Yourself as a raw tribute to our story—punk, raves, kink, addiction, love, and everything in between. Writing it opened the floodgates. I followed it with Chipped Black Nail Polish and then Your Kinky Friends, which is basically my love letter to the New Jersey/New York BDSM and fetish community that helped me heal after losing Lynn.The kink scene gave me the acceptance, friendship, and honesty I never found in “normal” life. It literally saved me. That realization turned into the Your Kinky Friends podcast and website, where I now interview people from all corners of the alternative lifestyle world—dominatrixes, Leather folks, rope artists, switches, and everyone in between. I talk about real dynamics, mental health in kink, fun scenes, loss, joy, and everything that makes this community so powerful.Along the way I survived a liver transplant, kept writing (including ghostwriting), and built this whole platform. Today I’m an author, speaker, and podcaster who just wants to document the beauty, weirdness, and healing power of living unapologetically. Life’s been messy as hell, but it’s led me to some of the coolest people and the most meaningful work I’ve ever done.
Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way. Looking back would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
No, it’s definitely not been a smooth road — it’s been more like a demolition derby with occasional beautiful pit stops.I spent years lost in the New Jersey punk scene and the NYC rave world of the ’90s, chasing highs and chaos. Addiction nearly destroyed me. I got clean and got my life together when I reconnected with Lynn, the love of my life. We had this incredibly honest, raw, very kinky relationship that felt like redemption. Then she died at 37 from a heroin overdose, and that loss completely broke me.Grief hit like a truck. I was drowning in depression, guilt, and loneliness. Instead of giving up, I started writing The Coolest Way to Kill Yourself as a tribute to her and to our story. Writing it was painful but healing. After that, I dove deeper into the New Jersey/New York kink and fetish community, which became my unexpected lifeline. Those friendships literally saved me.Then came major health battles. A couple of years ago I needed a liver transplant and had to fight for my life all over again. Recovery from that was brutal — physically and mentally.But every single struggle pushed me forward. The pain became the fuel for my books (Chipped Black Nail Polish and Your Kinky Friends), the podcast, and the whole platform I’ve built. The road has been messy, heartbreaking, and full of setbacks, but it also led me to incredible people, real acceptance, and work that actually matters to me.I wouldn’t wish the hard parts on anyone, but they made me who I am today.
As you know, we’re big fans of you and your work. For our readers who might not be as familiar what can you tell them about what you do?
I love connecting people and having them do something inspiring. I am proud of the life changing things that my book inspired. I am proud of all of the kinky artists, activists, professionals, and friends I have helped by giving them a comfortable and safe platform where they can promote their true selves.
What matters most to you? Why?
Love. Love makes life worth living for.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://yourkinkyfriends.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nicktanek/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nick.tanek.2025
- Twitter: https://x.com/NicholasTanek
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@yourkinkyfriends
- Other: https://open.spotify.com/show/41QVG4qnYBDm3k2J7U9iXf?si=15d2c38d50f14d41
