Today we’d like to introduce you to Jeffery Allen.
Hi Jeffery, please kick things off for us with an introduction to yourself and your story.
I grew up with my grandfather and all 4 uncles on my dad’s side of the family making very good livings as dentists, orthodontists, or endodontists. I believed I wanted their teeth filled type of life. My high school sweetheart and me decided to get married very young. We did 6 months of pre-marriage therapy with a man named Charles. It was my interactions with this humble man and the impact he had on my life that shifted my course from dentistry to mental health work. I could see the desire to look at teeth all day falling away making room for a desire for a life focused on walking with people as Charles walked with me.
I changed my major from biology to psychology and started walking towards what I thought would be fixing people’s problems for them. My wife and I would welcome our first child at 20 years of age. I was now going to school full time, working full time, and participating in a family as well as I could. We lived this way throughout my bachelor’s and master’s degrees while also adding one more child along the way. I was driven by wanting to give my family a decent life while also wanting to have my professional life be meaningful to me.
As I first started sitting in the therapist chair my dreams of just magically fixing peoples’ problems with my “deep” wisdom faded quickly. My colleagues and me were given 2 rules for our initial session: Ask one question and don’t throw up. I learned very quickly I was not going to be fixing anyone and my wisdom was lacking at best. I sat in one of my professor’s cars and cried about my failures as a new therapist. Giving up control of the parts of life that are actually out of my control is one of the most consistent lessons this life seems determined to teach me. As soon as I settled into genuine curiosity, I began to reach my stride as a therapist striving to just walk with people while understanding them as deeply as possible.
I soon learned the models of therapy I was introduced to in my master’s program were helpful on a surface level of change. Found in these models are ideas that could help people see the world a little differently and help them build habits that would lead them closer to the version of self they were hoping to become. However, I couldn’t help but see the unhealthy patterns of most people remained cemented as they were when started began. If lasting change did happen, I found those who experienced the deeper change rarely reported that it was some idea that helped them to a higher version of self. They mainly reported that change came from a safe therapeutic relationship and the opportunity to reflect deeply on their own reflections. These observations sent me on a path, as a therapist, or wanting to help the people putting their trust in me more effectively.
I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to be trained in a model called EMDR. Not only has this framework allowed me to really step into the art/creative part of my professional career, but it also shifted my lens I viewed my clients through from one of broken to one of trauma informed. This shift in lenses has been invaluable to the work I do, how I approach the people I work with, how I view myself, and the world more broadly.
It is with this energy that I have finally stepped into running my own practice.
I’m sure it wasn’t obstacle-free, but would you say the journey has been fairly smooth so far?
One of the most difficult actions I ask of the people I sit with is to slow down, turn and face, and fully take in self. As I have asked people to turn and face, I have had to stop and do the same every day, much to my dismay and eventual gratitude. I need my words to carry weight. I believe that the person I am and the life I live impacts the power and energy of my words. I have struggled to live up to my deepest, wisest self every day. I am so grateful to be taught by some of the most courageous and humble people I have ever met.
That is a long-winded way of saying I have been a constant struggle along this road. I have experienced what most people would see as hardships: going to school full time while working full time while having a family and caring the burden of being in a religious community. All of this is just life in my eyes and in most ways have blessed me as a person.
As you know, we’re big fans of Cultivating Wholeness Work. For our readers who might not be as familiar what can you tell them about the brand?
I run a marriage and family therapy practice. From my perspective, mental health therapist whole purpose is to create an emotionally safe environment for people to hear and see themselves as clearly as possible. This clarifying, reflective process is important if someone wants to make deep and lasting internal change. I believe our western system is too focused on alleviating symptoms rather than digging into and understanding core issues. When it comes to psychology, core issues center on beliefs, often unconscious, that are consistently feeding our thoughts, feelings, and actions need awareness or they will continue to drive the ship.
I specialize in trauma work. Trauma is any event (it doesn’t matter if the event is large or small) that has not been processed and integrated appropriately and is, therefore, still coloring the person’s present moment view. A common example may be a teacher in elementary school calls a child stupid so that person is still reacting to the world as if that teacher’s statement is true even as an adult.
I specialize in walking with people as they identify the core beliefs they carry, examine those core beliefs from as many different angles as possible, critically pull them apart, and carefully reflect on if they want to put those beliefs back together. This is perhaps one the most difficult and terrifying part of this human journey; to look and truly see oneself, but not just some of self…all of self, every single dusty and/or shadowed corner and cranny.
It is an honor to walk with people in this way. I am consistently struck with awe by the people who choose to walk this path and allow me to walk with them for a time. Unfortunately, much of our modern system wants to sell people a magic potion that will fix your ills. I want people to know the journey of seeing and building self is life long, daily work. There is no fix because you aren’t broken. There is only understanding, willingness, and work.
Can you talk to us a bit about happiness and what makes you happy?
I take issue with the question. It denotes the idea that I am supposed to be happy, or I should do things that make me happy, and if I am not happy then something must be wrong. Emotions, for me are like salt is to food. Emotions simply make this earth experience interesting, bright, multicolored, and heighten the plethora of life’s flavors.
I came to realize many years ago that no matter what I do, I will go to bed tired. The choice I have is whether I go to bed dreading the next day or satisfied with how I spent my time knowing I can be satisfied again the next day. Living life in such a way that I can look myself in the eyes and be proud of who I see looking back is important to me. Walking with people therapeutically, laughing with my kids, sitting with them in their hardest moments, connecting with my partner, feeling the pull of a trout on the end of my fly line, hiking a mountain, doing the dishes and taking a walk every morning are some of the things that allow me to look myself in the eyes. Do I always feel happy doing these activities? Sometimes, not always, but happiness isn’t the point for me.
Pricing:
- I charge $100 a session
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.cultivatingwholenesswork.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cultivatingwholenesswork
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cultivatingwholenesswork
- Other: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/jeffery-william-allen-north-logan-ut/1401814
