Today we’d like to introduce you to Jenni Anderson.
Jenni, we appreciate you taking the time to share your story with us today. Where does your story begin?
*Deep breath* Long story as short as possible: I grew up in a pretty volatile and divorced family before the age of 1. My older biological sister blamed me for our parents divorce so we never had a good or even decent sibling relationship. She was one of many abusers growing up and family on both sides brushed everything off as “you’re siblings! You’re supposed to fight.” There was a very clear divide between how she and I were treated. For her, any attention was good attention even if she got in trouble a lot. For me, any attention was few and far between but also usually resulted in me feeling more alone and scared instead of loved and cared for. I was the family scapegoat for everything. I didn’t have words for it back then, but looking back on it now, by age 8 I was having extreme suicidal ideations and really bad depression. I was in a constant state of fight or flight, never knowing what I was walking into. School became my sanctuary because it was a few hours away from everything, although I struggled a lot with my grades. I got in trouble in class pretty frequently for being easily distracted, having side conversations or just not getting any of the material we covered. I was a huge reader growing up though, well above my grade. I would sit and read for hours to escape my life. When we would get in trouble my sister would lose her DS or GameBoy, I would get grounded from my books because it was the only thing I cared about. My parents both hated each other so navigating visitation between house holds was always rough. I was always put in the middle, often having to be the mature one out of the adults as young as I can remember. I was in and out of therapy a lot, often having sessions where my abusive former step-mom was in the room and it was essentially her always telling the therapist how horrible of a child I was, etc. When I would finally get a session alone and tell them what was happening at home, I was removed and sent to someone new. I saw 10+ therapists before the age of 12. I bounced between my dad who lived in Texas and my mom and step-dad who were military, so they moved around a lot. I’ve moved 30+ times in my 27 years so far.
Around 11/12 ish I moved to my mom’s house full-time. At the time they were living in Cheyenne, Wyoming. It was our smallest base so making friends was relatively easy. I would stay out as late as possible, barely spending any time at home. While my mom’s house was less physically abusive and isolating, it was very emotionally abusive. It was the lesser of two evils though so I took it. She still to this day harbors a lot of anger towards my dad, often putting me in the middle or telling me stories of things that happened way before I was even born to try and pit me against him. My dad definitely did things wrong as a parent, but there were a lot of things thrown in that muddied the waters that didn’t need to be there as well. They both messed up in their own ways. My mom often told me my dad sexually assaulted her to cause my conception and how she went back and forth considering an abortion with me. If I didn’t side with her on what he did or didn’t do (I wasn’t there, it’s not for me to judge) then I was a horrible child who didn’t believe women. When I was sexually assaulted and tried talking to her about it though I was seeking attention and being dramatic.
I grew up in my dad’s house wanting to die and being on edge almost daily because of my sister and former step-mom. From 12-17 at my mom’s I grew up believing I wasn’t good enough no matter what I did and that I didn’t deserve love.
Despite all of these things that I’ve survived, I still believe most people are good and caring. I met my now husband in high school when we were stationed in Utah at Hill AFB. We’ve been together almost 11.5 years and have a wonderful life with each other. He’s been incredibly patient learning my quirks and pushing through the walls I’ve tried to put up due to fear of rejection or thinking I’m unlovable. He’s been one of my biggest supporters. I’ve also had an amazing therapist – the first I’ve personally chosen and stuck with the longest. On our first meeting 3.5 years ago I walked into her office and handed her a 24 page paper of my life story so she could decide if it was too much or not to take on. It was full of so much anger, hatred, and more than anything a hurting and confused inner child. I had just finished my Bachelors of Social Work program and got accepted into the University of Utah’s Advanced Standing Master of Social Work program when I began working with her. I knew I wanted to help others – specifically teens – struggling with similar things. I wanted to let them know they weren’t alone and they didn’t have to experience their lives feeling the ways I did. I knew that before I could be of any real help to others though, I had to work through my own stuff.
I started out working in the mental health field in 2019 as a youth mentor to teens going through treatment centers. I’ve experienced working Residential, Day Treatment, IOP and now Private Practice – from a youth mentor, BSW Intern, MSW Intern, CSW and now as an LCSW. I still absolutely have my days of falling into self-doubt and old habits of wanting to isolate myself. I still occasionally struggle with suicidal thoughts or urges to self-harm but it’s a lot easier and quicker to pull myself out of than it used to be. Most importantly though, I have incredible friends, partner, coworkers and therapist who repeatedly show me I’m not too much for them.
I’m sure it wasn’t obstacle-free, but would you say the journey has been fairly smooth so far?
It’s been as smooth as a cheese grater. A lot of the obstacles honestly came down to how I was raised and the negative beliefs I held about myself for so long. I was always scared to try something because I always had in the back of my mind ‘you’re not good enough to do that’ or ‘you’ll fail so just don’t bother.’ It was also hard because at 19 I moved back to Utah on my own and was navigating adulting through working multiple jobs, going to school and honestly – being isolated here. I had my now-husband but all of my family were either in Texas or another state and I didn’t have any of my own friends yet.
Thanks – so what else should our readers know about your work and what you’re currently focused on?
I am a recent LCSW working at a private practice in Murray called Hubbard Wellness Group. I work with individuals struggling with their mental health and needing support. I work with quite a bit but mostly trauma, neurodivergence (ADHD specifically), anxiety and depression. I absolutely love working with teens – personally I believe they’re fantastic and very enjoyable to work with. I’m most proud of all that I’ve accomplished on my own. Like being able to say I’m not only the first in my (biological) family to go to college, but also the first to get a Master’s degree. I’m proud to be able to share my knowledge with others as well. I felt so alone growing up so being able to have someone feel ‘hey, someone cares and sees me for me’ is deeply important to me. Which goes into my hatred of the question ‘what sets you apart from others.’ Everyone is always wanting the differences that separate us when we’re all our own unique individuals with our own unique experiences in life. Everything sets us apart – frankly, I find it more refreshing knowing someone has similarities to me than more differences to compare ourselves to.
How do you think about happiness?
My cats, my husband, my friends, Halloween (it’s truly the best holiday), my books, my work, being outside when it’s warm, giving into my raccoon brain that demands I collect rocks at each hike/place I go to simply because it’s shiny. So many things honestly. The ‘why’ is different for each thing but ultimately because it raises my dopamine and serotonin levels. Obviously it’s more complicated than that but I think there’s a word count on this.
Contact Info:
