Today we’d like to introduce you to Ryan Tollstrup.
Alright, so thank you so much for sharing your story and insight with our readers. To kick things off, can you tell us a bit about how you got started?
My name is Ryan Tollstrup. I currently live in Sandy UT.
My Journey has been a long one, and in many ways is not over.
6 yrs ago I was diagnosed with cptsd. Complex post traumatic stress disorder. Which comes not from the military as many assume, but from my childhood. I am a male sexual abuse survivor.
There is a lot to this. The abuse started when I was 7. It was severe and on going until I was 10. It happened again when I was 14 and again when I was 18. Multiple perpetrators were involved throughout all of this.
Much of this I dissociated from (out of survival) and woke up to in my mid 30’s. Things became extemely difficult when my PTSD surfaced, and I started remembering the trauma. At the time I had a wife and kids, a successful real estate career that I had built with my dad and brothers. I was a faithful member of the church of Jesus christ of later day saints. I had just about everything I could ask for.
As I said before, my full story is very layered. You can listen to its entirety in here:
I did an interview for “We Are The People Utah” where I spoke in great detail about it.
When I started speaking up about what happned to me, I lost everything. I have been completely estranged by my family. I haven’t spoken to my family in years, despite all of us living in salt lake. I left the church and lost all of my community there. I lost my career of nearly 20 years. And my wife and I divorced after being married for 18 years (2 kids).
It has been a lot to heal from say the least. But over the years and with lots of therapy, I have learned to heal. Though it is still a daily battle.
Now, I am learning to piece my life back together as I rebuild for myself.
I started a new real estate brokerage, White Oak Real Estate and am building it from the ground up.
I also bought a woodshop where I teach my art (woodturning) both for my own shop and for the University of Utah as part of their life long learning program. I began wood turning as part of my healing.
As a male survivor of sexual abuse, I am passionate up about speaking out what happened to me to hopefully pave the way for other male survivors, showing that healing is possible. Male survivors do not have much support. I’m trying to raise awareness around male abuse survivors and how we can heal.
I’d like to have another conversation with you about this and answer your questions.
Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and if not what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
No. I’ve been through hell.
severe childhood sexual abuse
total estrangement from my entire family after I spoke up about the abuse.
betrayal from family/business partners resulting in the loss of a very successful 20 year career.
divorced after 18 years, 2 kids.
loss of church and community.
the challenges associated with healing from cptsd are difficult to put into words here. But it has been the fight of my life. And I do mean that literally.
Thanks – so what else should our readers know about your work and what you’re currently focused on?
I began wood turning in 2019. Self taught, I turned in my garage for hours after work each day. It had a very calming effect on my mind as I watched the chisel remove material and shape each piece. Having recently been diagnosed with complex PTSD (the consequence of surviving severe childhood abuse), wood turning helped me stay grounded and reconnect with my body while experiencing the emotional turmoil and disregulation that comes with CPTSD. As an active meditation, wood turning has been hugely therapeutic and has helped to reshape the way I see the world through healing.
At first, I wanted to make “perfect” bowls. I was eager to make something worthy. I wanted to fix or hide any and all cracks, holes or perceived flaws. It didn’t take long, however, before I began to find much more depth and meaning in each piece. My goal quickly changed from creating the “perfect bowl”, to uncovering the natural and organic beauty that already exists. Now, I take my time with each piece as I watch closely for the imperfections that are asking to be seen.
My work has become a reflection on the equanimity of life, or the acceptance of the good and the bad we all experience. The wood I use is all discarded wood. Fallen trees from neighbors’ yards, dead logs, often things I find on the side of the road. I’ve found incredible beauty, value, and worth in the “discarded.” I’ve learned to find meaning in (and now make a point of leaving) the cracks and the holes in each piece as they reflect back to us the pain and suffering of life. It’s through their acceptance that we find great healing.
As we go through life we begin to see and understand a much bigger meaning: that it is the pain alongside the happiness (or, the imperfections alongside the pure grain) that lend life its truest beauty.
Each piece I make is unique. Just as we are all unique, and our life’s experiences are all our own. No two will ever be the same, but all have their own character and carry the marks of their own experiences. I’m surprised at how important this work has become to me, and find more and more I’m eager to share this message and it’s symbolism with everyone. Thanks for being part of the journey.
https://www.turningfromthewoods.com/
@turningfromthewoods
If you had to, what characteristic of yours would you give the most credit to?
I’m an empath and I see life easily through metaphor. This allows me to connect the emotion stemming from our life’s experiences to my art. Through this, my art teaches life lessons that bring healing in ways which are not always obvious and are deeply personal to the individual. Additionally I am able to help people see themselves and their own experiences in my art. This is where it becomes a powerful platform for healing.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.turningfromthewoods.com/
- Instagram: @turningfromthewoods
