Today we’d like to introduce you to Regan Barnes.
Hi Regan, please kick things off for us with an introduction to yourself and your story.
I’ve long held the conviction that motherhood is a profession in and of itself. Back in 2006, I started the Successful Mothering Convention, largely out of a personal desire to hear from parenting experts — and as this grassroots effort took off (we had over 400 moms participate the first year and almost doubled the second year), I realized, I wasn’t the only mom who felt a need for more education in our chosen field. However, my four kids were under school age at the time, and I felt like a Neglectful Mother running a Successful Mothering Convention.
I truly wanted to focus on motherhood, so after the third year, I allowed another company to take over. The next decade or so brought four more babies and lots and lots of studying and gathering resources and continuing my personal parenting education. One day, I was holding my 8th baby and marveling how the years had flown by and somehow, I had become a mom of eight. I’ve always enjoyed wordplay, and this phrase, Mom of 8, mulled over in my brain and struck me as a play on the word Motivate — and the sense of a calling came over me! I needed to take all I had learned and “momivate” moms to upgrade motherhood so it’s a more desirable profession and then moms could serve the role nature designed them to have, raising up the next generation with positive outcomes, one family at a time.
I called my friend Leigha and asked her to be my buddy as we founded the nonprofit Momivate! Neither of us works at it full-time, but both of us are committed to building an innovative, inviting organization that gives every mom an E.M.T. — Education, Money, and Time. We’ve continued to grow our team of volunteers and are in the process of securing funding for our biggest idea: an app that will connect moms with each other, help them keep their sense of self, and provide an alternative to money called MomUnits!
Whenever I have the opportunity to share my vision, people nod and agree that motherhood is not an obsolete profession and every child will benefit from more time with a mom who is well educated in parenting practices that are backed by neuroscientific research. I know there’s a philanthropist out there who will hear our mission, see our work, and want to partner with us by dedicating their resources to our cause!
We all face challenges, but looking back would you describe it as a relatively smooth road?
Motherhood itself is the paradox of my journey — it’s the vision that I want to share but the reason I haven’t been sharing it! I practice what I preach and therefore, I don’t treat Momivate as a full-time job because I already have one (being a mom). I conscientiously choose to see Momivate as the distraction rather than give my children that label! I value the need to take things slowly, although members of my team sometimes get frustrated that we “grow at the pace of motherhood.”
While it would be exciting for Momivate to become wildly successful, I’ve experienced the stress that can bring (with the Successful Mothering Convention) and therefore I’m strategically getting my foundation laid first. I like to think of it metaphorically: I have an empty field that I’ve cleared and developed and dug out the basement, and now I’m building a house, brick by brick.
I want to invite people to come to see my house, but it doesn’t quite exist yet!! However, I NEED people to come to look at the blueprints and see the raw materials and realize the possibilities with me — and provide the necessary funding to hire a full-time executive director and hire an app development company!
Appreciate you sharing that. What else should we know about what you do?
I was voted “Most Likely to Succeed” by my high school graduating class! I earned my bachelor’s degree from Indiana University and then got married and had a baby ten months later. I “signed up” to be a full-time mother without really knowing what I was getting myself into. My own mother had been a single mom and lamented the fact that she had to go to work to put a roof over our heads and food on the table.
Based on her disappointment, I think my decision was an effort to honor her unrequited dreams, but since she hadn’t been able to give me an example of what full-time motherhood looked like, I was winging it — and feeling like a failure! I started looking around, observing, noticing which mothers seemed to have figured out motherhood based on how their kids seemed to be turning out. I sometimes felt like I was interviewing them while our kids were having a playdate, and all the while I was gathering data, trying to discover the keys to success in raising children and enjoying motherhood. I desperately needed motherhood to be more than being a chauffeur or a short-order cook or cleaning up messes while the children made more messes.
I read dozens, maybe hundreds, of books, and perused websites. I determined certain principles that rang true that would help me filter the conflicting advice of the various experts. I continued to have babies and practice what I consider very hands-on, intentional motherhood — definitely not a side hustle, short-term gig, or hobby! I focused on building positive relationships with God, my husband, my children, the grandparents of my children, other mothers, and what I call “The Village” — my kids’ pediatrician, their teachers, coaches, and other influences.
Rather than being overwhelmed with all the cleaning, I decided to create an atmosphere in my home, conscientiously noticing and changing what my family sees, hears, smells, tastes, and touches in our household so the overall ambiance is an environment that leads to feelings of peace and love and well-being. I haven’t brought in a lot of income — but I took very seriously the impact that I have on our family’s finances by focusing on the outgo, and how to scrimp and save, stay within budget, and stretch that one income to meet our needs.
I developed systems and schedules to keep my sanity and give my children a sense of security, knowing what to expect through daily routines, screen habits, family traditions, and mealtimes. I committed to the necessary repetition that helped us all have more energy by eating reasonably well, having an active lifestyle, and following good sleep routines. Meanwhile, my mothering experience had a few unique circumstances that meant I had to follow the road less traveled, and as I did I crossed paths with many other moms who didn’t fit the mold. I came to respect the characteristics necessary to handle these situations with grit and grace.
Finally, I never lost sight of my personal passions, even as I learned to pursue them while interlacing them with motherhood, putting them on the back burner as necessary but never taking them off the stove altogether. These seven aspects of my maternal experience spell an acronym that answers the question: What do moms do anyway? Why are moms critical to society? Moms R.A.I.S.E. U.P. Society — not just our own children!! Taking time to focus on our children during those intensive young years is an investment of time. When you invest money, you can’t use it for other things, but eventually, you get it back with the bonus of interest.
A mother who invests time into her offspring doesn’t necessarily have any guarantees of outcomes, but she has the peace of mind that she is doing her best, holding nothing back. Love is spelled t-i-m-e, so her kids know that she is that source of love even when she makes mistakes. Since her kids are going to make mistakes too, she’s modeling how to apologize and move forward, traits they’ll need in their futures. My nonprofit organization is different than just parenting advice. We are seeking to actually revolutionize motherhood, help it evolve in a constructive manner so that it is a more desirable profession that more women will want to choose, at least for their child’s formative years.
We have innovative ideas including the MomEconomy app, where moms connect with each other (solving the problem of lack of co-workers for full-time moms) and trade their skills and talents with one another, using MomUnits as a form of currency. They will earn MomUnits as they attend parenting classes, thus essentially being “paid” to develop parenting skills! Momivate also actively advocates among employers to recognize the work that full-time mothers are doing is not a “break” from the workplace! All of those elements of the R.A.I.S.E. U.P. acronym are soft skills that are extremely valuable to any company, and so we offer a RAISE Certification that mothers can put on their resume, demonstrating to employers the skills they’ve developed as they’ve raised their children.
Giving employers this depth of understanding, as well as the long-term perspective that mothers are essentially incubating their future employees, will help mothers feel more comfortable investing time in their children first, realizing it will contribute to their career’s success as well. I’m proud of my kids, ages 21 down to 3, because they know they’re worth their mom investing her time into them, and they take that example of sacrifice and let it fuel their efforts to be kind and generous as well as to chase their dreams and reach their potential.
Regardless of whether my high-school classmates would say I lived up to their vote of “most likely to succeed,” I know that I am at peace with my decision to aim my skills and talents towards my family’s success.
How do you define success?
I’m an acronym kind of person, so here’s an acronym I made up for the IDEAL mother, which seems to apply to this question: I – Individual — every mom needs to be in tune with herself and respect her own needs and expectations and only try to live up to that instead of other people’s perceptions. No more comparisons; it’s not a competition! Respecting the individuality of each of her children is also key in loving them for who they are rather than pressuring them to change into a different, inauthentic version of themselves.
D – Developing — we need to realize that life is a gradual, uphill climb, and we might not ever reach the summit! We are constantly developing and dynamics are constantly changing so that we have to find joy in the journey rather than waiting to party at the destination. Taking little steps can get us farther than trying to take huge leaps.
E – Example — being aware that we set an example for our children can be key in garnering their cooperation and shepherding them to have positive habits. And just like the quote: “Help your brother’s boat across and lo, your own has reached the shore,” we benefit as well when we make this effort to set a good example.
Enthusiasm (another “E” word!) for the simple things in life can offer our children joy and decrease stressors, fortifying their mental health and bringing us serene satisfaction.
A – Able to Forgive — a mom who holds grudges or labels herself or her children will find this ability to forgive as a lifesaving tool that will free her and her children from crushing burdens of guilt. We all need forgiveness from both angles — because we are sometimes the victims and other times the perpetrators.
Being able to apologize and put things in the past can save a marriage, renew hope in the heart of a child, and give us the strength to recommit to the challenges of motherhood.
L – Long-term perspective, knowing that we can smile instead of scream, hug instead of hit, laugh instead of cry… we have signed up for the long haul of motherhood it’s like a stagecoach ride across the unknown western frontier!
Lots of bumps, unpaved roads, sometimes mountains, broken axles, but amidst all of it, let’s focus on the beautiful vistas, the breathtaking scenery, the wonders of God’s vast and varied creations, the miracles of safety and overall well being in spite of the obstacles along the way.
Pricing:
- $80,000 a year for an executive director (includes benefits)
- $80,000 towards the development of our MomEconomy App
- $80,000 for other costs, such as campaigning for motherhood
- FREE services to mothers, including Revolving Closets in four locations and Online SMILE Gatherings
Contact Info:
- Email: chairmom@momivate.org
- Website: www.momivate.org
- Instagram: @momivatemoms
- Facebook: fb.me/momivate
Image Credits
Ryan Callister
