Today we’d like to introduce you to Ashley Mitchell.
Hi Ashley, so excited to have you on the platform. So before we get into questions about your work life, maybe you can bring our readers up to speed on your story and how you got to where you are today.
In 2006, after finding myself in an unplanned pregnancy, I chose adoption for my son. After years of self-destructive behavior trying to manage the grief, loss, and trauma alone, I found myself with a failed suicide attempt and forced into mental health facilities that finally connected the dots for me.
Once I had the skill set to understand, name, and claim what had happened I was able to get the RIGHT kind of help. Grief lies to us and makes us believe that we are the ONLY ones that are going through the worst and that no one will understand us. I knew that there were more women like me out there, but I had NO idea that I would come to learn and grow the way that I have from literally millions of birth mothers. One of the commonalities that countless numbers have shared was the lack of care in the aftermath.
The professionals that sat with us in the separation of our family to build other families, where were they in the rebuild? They weren’t there for us and the law doesn’t require them to be. We knew it was the best ethical practice to offer the women grief and trauma support FOR FREE, so we set out to make it happen. We didn’t have it, we don’t want others to suffer. We know better so we MUST do better.
We all face challenges, but looking back, would you describe it as a relatively smooth road?
Ha. NO! I will never understand why I am in this space fighting for the rights of so many and I know there are so many others better equipped and qualified, but I just couldn’t sleep at night knowing what I know. The sacred spaces that I have sat in have been the most powerful and devastating of my life for almost 2 decades!
We are up against so much that is very rarely fully understood, from the top Federal law down to the individual circumstances we are up against it. I put the passion before the horse. I started this because I cared so deeply for the women, and I have just tried to figure out the rest as I have gone, surrounding myself with people who are way smarter than me.
I think the hardest part is that I have stepped into supporting trauma for others while I am living out mine in real time. I am triggered and set back and struggle every day while I sit in spaces that need support. When the work you do is built off your own back, it adds extra levels of hardness.
Thanks for sharing that. So, maybe next you can tell us a bit more about your work?
After years of learning how little the access was to free support for women after their parental rights were terminated with took time to get mad, and then put that into action! We spent years understanding the roadblocks, the challenges, and the reasoning behind why adoption professionals were rejecting post-placement support groups and why they struggled to stay consistent.
We decided to write the materials and develop the structure and training to create a “NO EXCUSE PROGRAM”. If a professional was going to work with mothers post relinquishment, then they needed to offer care “for birth mothers, by birth mothers”. In 2017 at the National Council for Adoption Conference in Denver, we released the nation’s first and only support curriculum and training to ensure the free care for birth mother grief.
We gather our team once a year to write NEW and fresh material to honor what we are learning in the field, what is most relevant, and what we need to stay alive longer as we co-exist with all that we are experiencing. We continue to be the national leader in awareness, accountability, and expectations of our adoption communities.
Do you have recommendations for books, apps, blogs, etc?
First and foremost, I believe in Mental Health resources. I am in regular therapy and medication management when needed.
I am not ashamed of it, it is not a dirty word and I understand how complicated it is for women to express it and gain access to it. I also have the great privilege to have a spouse who is my equal partner, and he supports the work fully. I know to the deepest parts of my existence that I would NOT be doing this work without my husband.
There is NO WAY that I could ever list every blog, podcast, documentary, or book that I have encountered that has helped educate me and move the needle forward. I will share the few that I promote regularly.
Adoption Specific:
- Adoption Unfiltered: by Sarah Easterly, Lori Holden, and Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard
- Twisted Sisterhood Podcast: I am the co-host with Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard
- American Baby: NYT bestselling author, Gabrielle Glaser
- The Girls Who Went Away: Ann Fessler
- The Turnaway Study: Diana Green Foster, Ph.D.
- Relinquished: Gretchen Sisson
- Wake Up, Little Susie: Rickie Solinger
For Life:
- Make Your Bed: NYT Bestselling author, Admiral William H. McRaven
- Resonate: Alex Woolf
- Her Best Kept Secret: NYT bestselling author, Gabrielle Glaser
- Sex Work Matters + Unbroken Chains: Melissa Hope Ditmore
- Tiny Habits: BJ Fogg, PhD
- Scary Close: Donald Miller
- What Happened to You:
- The Body Keeps the Score
- Breaking free from Body Shame: Jess Connolly
TV SERIES:
- The Handmaid’s Tale
THE LIST GOES ON…
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.bigtoughgirl.com/
- Instagram: @bigtoughgirl
Image Credits
Ashley Mitchell, Roanne Olsen, AumeStudios, and Alex Gadow Photo
